My Life
by Heatwave-Sofia2003
Summary: John is gone and Marlena doesn't know what to do...


My Life  
  
The rainy Sunday morning was matching exactly with the Salemites mood as they were heading silently towards Saint Luke's Church. What an irony Belle Black thought, that even Mother Nature was showing her support this day by creating this very melancholic picture. "Are you ready?" Belle turned her head and saw her older brother Brady looking at her concerned "No, not really. I will never be ready for that, but we have to do it" she said signing heavily and looking towards the church  
  
The only thing that could be heard, were the heavy droplets of the rain that were hitting unmerciful the church's roof while the gathered people were watching Belle who was standing in front of the altar "it was really difficult for me, my brothers and sisters to decide who was going to stand in front of you today but eventually that decision was taken and so here I am, standing in front of you to talk to you not only about my mother but about my best friend also, Dr. Marlena Evans Black. I'm sure you all knew my mother very well, how of a good doctor …she was, so caring, always willing to help and listen the others but today I'm going to talk to you about her most secret thoughts, thoughts that she never shared with anyone. Few days ago while we were packing some stuff from the penthouse, Brady and Eric found a letter written by my mom concerning my dad and so we really would like to share that with you today.." Belle took an envelope from her purse, opened it and started reading it ..  
  
"It's been 2 months and 3 days. 2 months and 3 days that my heart broke to million of pieces and my life got screwed. 2 months and 3 days that the love of my life, my husband, the father of my children, my lover and best friend was taken horribly away from me by a madman. A madman that I killed in the end but that didn't bring my beloved John back. Ironic isn't? Everyone is so sure that I can't harm even a fly but when it came to John and my promise for revenge, I killed that bastard without another thought. The police still didn't figure it out who it was. Maybe at the end I will turn myself in..maybe I don't. The important thing is that I kept that promise. I know that John wouldn't be too trilled with what I did, but anger and hate were the only emotions that were left when my husband died despite my children's efforts to do everything for me. But they couldn't do anything. I lost my soulmate.  
  
I remember hearing people say that, it is impossible to love someone so much. Apparently they didn't know us. We were always glued to one another. I laugh when I remember that the children found it disgusting and embarrassing to find us always in compromising position, but the truth is that we couldn't keep our hands of each other. When John was away for even one day, my body would tremble and ache to be touched and loved by him. We were the Romeo and Juliet of these days. I would even tease him sometimes by calling him Romeo. We were the complete piece of each other. I was alone before I met him, alive but dead at the same time. Yes I had my parents and a lot of friends who cared and loved me; I even got married 2 times with 2 terrific guys believing that I loved them and yes I did love them but it could never compare to what I felt when I was with John  
  
After 17 years and is still remember our first meeting, how I was shaking when I thanked him for saving me from that thief. Always playing the hero for me, oh my romantic husband. He was so handsome, had me captivated from the first moment I saw his ocean blue eyes of his.  
  
He got a job at the hospital where I was working and so we had to spend many hours together, bickering most of the time, partly from my side because as time was passing I was falling in love with him and that scared me. Here I was a recent widow that was lusting another man. I thought that was shame but you cant escape what fate has in store for you now can you? And my fate was to be with him. We became friends although there were times that I wished that we would be more.   
  
I remember that he brought me home after a party, I was a little drunk and he was saying goodnight to me and I was wishing that he would get over his shyness and just kiss me but he was a gentleman and only kissed me on the cheek. That little incident made me fall harder in love with him as I realized that he would always be by my side.   
  
We two went through a lot together these 17 years, good and bad things but our love was the one thing that kept us together. Our wedding was just picture perfect with him standing at the altar a goofy smile on his face, the twins walking down the isle and later I made my trip there to stand in front of God and everyone to vow that I would love honor and respect that man for the rest of my life.   
  
Even death couldn't compare to our love. We defeated death many times either it was when they all thought that I had died when the plane crashed or when my possession ended. John was the one that never gave up hope, always searching for me and he wouldn't rest till he would find me.   
  
After few more years of longing and wanting each other but couldn't be together either because of Roman, Kristen, or even me or him we finally found our way back to each other. And we had a second wedding more magic than the first. John again standing with that goofy smile on his face and me walking down the isle and towards him pledging my love for him and this time it would be legally and forever.   
  
I will admit that we had our rough moments also but as John was saying we could conquer everything as long as we loved each other and wouldn't miss sight of that love  
  
And after everything we went through it had to end that way. John been dead and me suffering from that. I've longed to hold him in my arms, playing with his chest hair while we were lying the afterglow enjoying our time together where the only thing that existed were only the two of us shutting the rest of the world. I've longed to hear him say to me those 3 beautiful words that made my heart burst with happiness "I love you". I've longed his lame jokes, that silly rising eye brow thing, his favorite quote "That's a fact doc" , how he was teasing me about my cooking and he would conspire with the children to just piss me off.   
  
I know it might sound weird but every night since he is gone I spread his cologne on the bed and then I lay down inhaling the familiar scent, slipping into a world where there are no sorrows, no pain, it is just him and me, dancing laughing making love and just been happy for been with each other, but then, cruel reality returns to me and I feel more empty than before. I even have thought about giving an end to my life to just end that terrible pain I feel inside but I didn't have the courage to do it. I have now because I realized that I couldn't live the rest of my life with out him and especially at dates like today… July the 6th"….  
  
Belle putted the letter on her purse again, raising her head and seeing her family and loved ones crying, comforting each other. "That were my mom's thoughts about my father and I know that even they aren't here with us, they are together in heaven, laughing, joking, loving each other, watching over us and just been happy again. We love you so very much, rest in peace"  
  
As for a cue the sun was coming out again shining the church…


End file.
